his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
