Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
