You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
