I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
