Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
