I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
