he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
