let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
