my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
