The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
