Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I could fuck to npr.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
