i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
