Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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