just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize