I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
