he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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