Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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