he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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