Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
