Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
