I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
