I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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