maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
