I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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