I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
