im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
