her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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