Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
