Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize