My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
