the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
