Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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