yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
