i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
