New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
