I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
