Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
