Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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