that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
