please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
