She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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