I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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