Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
