i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
