your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
