Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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