theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
