Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So squirting runs in the family.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Randomize
