so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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