my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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