I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
