he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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