Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
