i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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