On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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