Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
