Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
