I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
