How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize