what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
