can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Randomize
