So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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