Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
