Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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