matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
