I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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