Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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