I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
ttyl tear gas
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
