I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
