My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
