the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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