we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
