god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
