This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
