She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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