So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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