Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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