i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
