it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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