I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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