I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We are two peas in an std pod
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
