He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
